Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize