just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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