so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize