Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
