My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want a musical about memes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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