i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the day after is always just damage control
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
