I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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