were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
