I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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