Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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