yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
