Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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