You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I won the penis lottery.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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