So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
