On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
