I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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