Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize