he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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