I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
