Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
