Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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