Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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