So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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