i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
