im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
