May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
