mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize