On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
