his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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