Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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