names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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