Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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