just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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