So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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