I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
