i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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