Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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