I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
