The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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