My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
