Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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