So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
