Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
