Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
