Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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