so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
