i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
