remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
