I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
