Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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