see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
