I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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