he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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