I think im going to throw up on grandma
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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