I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
