I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
