dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
