It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
