I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
