Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize