now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We named our party play list daddy issues
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
