it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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