I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
