This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
