But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He shit in the fireplace
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
