There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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