Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
