I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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