Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
